save

i must save the dream i had last night where a man named Pail groped at my face to make sure it was still there, and when my father was so careful in the wave pond that he moved us all to the shallow water, but the blue stained wave toppled him, over me into the shallows and the concrete fake sand that left large, inch long gashes on my knees, elbows, and the time he told me that he was a hundred times more mad at me than my friend Kaye's angry asian mother who threatened to disown her on a daily basis, and when Sarah named her horse medecine man and dyed its mane blue then watched while i got the short spiky haircut that made all the unknown teenage boys at my first high school dance think i was a lesbian, and i remember when i was six i used to dictate the games my friends and i played, because i made up predicaments like "Ryan's on the rack and you all have to save him from me, I'm the evil witch Krystal" but then in sophomore year i kept shrinking and shrinking until my mother told me that if I didn't get it together it was probable that i'd die very soon, and i think that was one of the things that made me want to be an actress, the idea that if one didn't get off their ass and become famous one would just die, and i MUST must save the night i met the first man i ever considered marrying because we both got food poisioning and each ended up holding the other's hair out of their face while they threw up into the trash can, and when i told my sisters they laughed for an hour and screamed delightedly, "that's the best story i've ever heard in my life!" even though they're only fifteen.